so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
