I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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