We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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