he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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