I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
