Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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