Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
this hospital has no fireball
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
this is an emotional support booty call
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