Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
