I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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