carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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