I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
