so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
