6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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