There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
