what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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