There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
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i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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