So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
