I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
