Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
