you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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