Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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