Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
