im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
