You smell like a Billy Joel song
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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