she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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