STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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