it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there's paper in my vomit.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
