Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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