I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
