I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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