Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
