he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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