and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
