I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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