There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
