he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
