STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
