GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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