Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
