I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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