Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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