You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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