sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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