whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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