she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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