why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
