I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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