remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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