Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
