i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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