Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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