why didn't you poke me back
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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