Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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