Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
