OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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