piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
