Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
