There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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