she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
