cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
