Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
