Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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