jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
