Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
