So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
