literally had 100 drinks last night.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
