I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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