guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
