Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
