Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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