i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
