I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
They have beer where we have blood.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
