i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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