I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
