i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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