Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
