brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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