There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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