I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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