You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
