The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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