You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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