He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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