dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
