Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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